Rejectionmancy

Wanna hear a joke? Rejections.

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Yep, something different. This is more for the writers than the readers, but maybe you’ll find some amusement in me sharing personal rejections. Some of them are funny, in that “what the hell were they thinking?” kind of way.

On the writers’ forum Absolute Write, there was a thread called “Rejectionmancy” and it was a place for writers to share their rejections. The purpose was to normalize rejections—we all get them and they suck. Even writers who you thought were really good, still got ‘em. The important thing to remember is that it’s not always you; sometimes the story isn’t a good fit, sometimes the editor had to make a tough decision, sometimes there’s snow falling outside—yes, this was a reason for someone getting rejected.

So, allow me to share some of mine. And you can share yours as well in the comments below! (Is this what they call a “sharing session”?)

Going to start with my most rejected story, “Homunculus”, who did find a home in Dirty Magick Magazine. How many rejections you may ask?

Never say I don’t have tenacity!

Ah, what of the personals? Here’s a few.

Thanks very much for sending this story to Beneath Ceaseless Skies. Unfortunately, it's not quite right for us. I was interested by the beast but it didn't seem believable to me that Solanda would so easily lose her hand and then remove her own eye without any hesitation or signs of pain.

—Beneath Ceaseless Skies

Thanks for submitting "Homunculus." I enjoyed reading this, particularly the smooth POV handoff from Solanda to the homunculus. That was well done. But the beginning felt too rushed to me, especially since the homunculus meets the beast at the end, so I'm going to pass on it.

—The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction

Thanks very much for sending us “Homunculus” to consider for our Artemis Rising Event. Unfortunately, we’ve decided to pass on it. That said, I did enjoy reading it. I thought it was generally well done, but I wasn’t really immersed into the story untiil the homunculus’s birth (which I realize is kind of at odds with the cyclical nature you have going for you here).

—PodCastle

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How about everyone’s favorite beasty hunter?

Two Problems, One Beasty (Beasty Cycle)

Thanks very much for sending this story to Beneath Ceaseless Skies. Unfortunately, it's not quite right for us. I thought the creatures of this world were fascinating and I liked the dry humor in Yurbith’s voice, but I felt like I needed a better sense of what was driving her to hunt the oldling and why having a Dreamlands dream was so significant for her.

—Beneath Ceaseless Skies

I like the story and the ideas behind it. But it feels like it needs a lot of work before it’s ready for prime time. If it were mine I’d say I need to do some more lore and world building. This is a world with history and we need to be able to feel that history on the page. Don’t pad anything but make every word matter and your readers feel the depth of your world. It also feels like things were resolved a bit too easily. Make your characters really fight for their achievements (not necessarily sword play emotional and mental fights exist too and you’ve set at least one up here...). We’d love to see this one again when it’s ready.

—Sally Port Magazine

(This one is a lowkey rewrite request, but to take such a request would’ve easily bloated the story. It’s a short story, after all.)

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And the turnips?

Of Turnips and Maidens

Thanks very much for sending this story to _Beneath Ceaseless Skies_. Unfortunately, it’s not quite right for us. I liked the slightly humorous and blasely fantastical (sentient turnips) tone of the voice, and I liked Turner’s fish-out-of-water feel at having to deal with the nymph, but the opening situation didn’t quite seize me, I think perhaps because Turner didn’t himself have more acute stakes of his own in the opening situation.

—Beneath Ceaseless Skies

Thank you for submitting “Of Turnips and Maidens” to Ideomancer. Unfortunately, it’s not right for us. This story had a lot of vivacity and interesting touches—like the mobile turnips!—but medieval-Europe-esque settings are a hard sell for me at this point, and there wasn’t quite enough else here for me to outweigh that.

—Ideomancer

This was an interesting world and well executed, but unfortunately the story didn’t grab me like I was expecting. I think that it was the antagonist that didn’t really do it for me here. So, I am going to pass on it. I hope you can find a place for it with a different market.

—Fantasy Scroll Magazine

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Turnip Farmers Are Heroes Too

Your story reached the final stage of our selection process--one among an elite group.

During this final stage, our editorial team discusses the stories that make it this far. If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to share some representative samples of what our editors had to say about yours:

~A couple good moments of humor, like the bandit whose bandana got in the way of talking. However, what on earth does this guy do with his flesh-eating turnips? How does he make money? I mean, I’d expect people at market would give that particular wagon a wide berth.

~Didn’t believe it. Humor overdone and heavy handed.

~You’re not supposed to like the MC; he’s the petulant unreliable narrator, and I don’t think the all the turnips are flesh eating (except when the opportunity comes up) - just the queen. Omnivorous at most. The purple barn, the pouty turnips, it’s so quirky and off the wall, you have to smile. So much of what we see blends together in one grand grey morass, but you have to admit this one stand outs.

~I liked this one. I liked how it poked fun at the hero legend. The first line was pretty darned good too. In some ways it reminded me of the heavy-handedness of The Colour of Magic.

Cute and original. And for once, this round, the execution worked for me.

~Cute in places, but feels kind of half-hearted. Bards and minstrels clash with the modern, slangy language. Overdone.

~Seemed like a tall tale, which is a tough sale for me. Didn’t grab me. I did like the idea of mocking the hero legend, but the tale wasn’t that interesting to me.

~I imagined the narrator to be a guy spinning tales at the local tavern, with all the tall tales and random inconsistencies it entails.

~I was totally set up for the old “con the bad guys into digging up my turnip field” gag. I was glad that isn’t where it went, but I wasn’t satisfied with where it did go.

—Flash Fiction Online

I’ll stop there because apparently this is “too long”. Bleh. But if this interested you, I can always do a part 2.

And if you haven’t already, check out my April Fool’s Day story, originally published in Story Unlikely, 2014.